They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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