If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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