uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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