I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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