i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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