i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
