I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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