I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
