We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
