he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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