you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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