It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
