Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
