I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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