I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
