try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
