Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
