The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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