I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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