You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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