Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
