Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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