the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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