Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
