There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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