he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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