I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
