Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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