At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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