Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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