Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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