I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
