I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
