Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
