the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
