That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
