Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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