chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
