Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
