He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I want is dick and wine.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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