We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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