just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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