I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
