Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
