I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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