once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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