I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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