i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
