Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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