So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
