it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
