Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
